It is said that the number one reason for couples divorcing is the inability to let go.  One partner, for example, will remember the details of every argument or quarrel and remind the other partner of this constantly.  The end result?  It is as if those arguments never ended because they are still being played out over and over again.  Some people hold grudges for a very long time, remembering each occasion when a loved one forgot their birthday or said an unkind, thoughtless remark.  This baggage can grow and grow until you feel immobilized by its weight.  So how do you let go of the baggage.

Well, firstly it’s important to realise how the baggage is having a negative effect on your life.  Is it really worth self-righteously totting up the number of times your partner or friend upset you, as if you were keeping a score card?  Doesn’t this just make you feel more upset and angry?  Think about how these toxic emotions are affecting you in terms of your health – emotionally, physically and psychologically.  Baggage creates stress and stress has been proven to be a major factor in ill health and shortening life spans.  Awareness of this should hopefully make you re-think whether such baggage is ever worth keeping.

In many situations it is better to develop a selective memory and start to expect the best in people and that includes yourself.  Your expectations really do affect the outcomes you observe in your day-to-day life.  If, for instance, you meet a person who was previously impolite to you, you might be inclined to be equally impolite to them in return and so build an unfriendly relationship.  Each time you see that person you expect the worst and so the cycle continues until your baggage concerning that person is pretty hefty.

What you need to do instead is change your reactions to the people and situations you meet.  You cannot control others’ behaviour but you have full control over your reactions.  Refuse to let unpleasant or rude people affect you negatively; simply realise that their bad mood or unpleasantness is all about them and should not impact on you.  Start to see the best in them.  When you meet them, expect to be only delighted and happy in their company (this might take some practice!).  This also relates to past events and present situations.  Try to look on past and present experiences in a positive light and start to see the positive aspects in them.  When we expect the best in people, they tend to match our expectations.  When we expect the best in ourselves, the result is the same and not only that, once we have ditched our emotional baggage, we are free to pursue the really important things in life – our dreams and goals.

Kristin

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