Most of us would love to banish our negative thought patterns and boost our confidence and self-esteem.  And we’d certainly like to care much less about what other people think of us.  Luckily, this isn’t as hard as we first imagine – thanks to Jay Chase.  He can provide you with the answers to leading a positive, happy, successful and confident life.  All you need to do is visit his site at:

Secret Social Weapons

Feeling confident is so essential to our sense of well-being.  When we have true self-confidence and a strong sense of self worth, we can pursue our goals and dreams rather than procrastinate and doubt our abilities.  Confidence is yours for the taking, so take this moment to check out Jay’s website – you won’t regret it.

Secret Social Weapons

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Good working relationships are at the heart of any successful life.
All social interactions rely on communication and it is through
communication that we develop trust and integrity between
individuals.  The development of relationships, therefore, relies
on developing a sense of mutual trust between two individuals. The
best way to do this is to create a rapport, a connection.  Before
you expect others to listen to you it is important that they feel
comfortable and relaxed in your presence. This should be the case
with all people in all situations, from friends to the local shop
assistant.

Why should you do this? Because being a good communicator should be
a way of life and not a tap that you just switch off and on at a
given moment. Being an effective communicator requires consistency
in your habits and behaviours. It is hard to make something natural
if you are not doing it all the time. Be a good communicator as
much as possible and eventually it will become part of your habits.

In our working relationships being able to communicate well is
essential for creating the all important first impression. You may
not realise this, but the judgements we form of someone in the
first ten to fifteen seconds of meeting them are the most important
in terms of the attitude they take towards us. If you want to make
a good impression in business then getting respect in the first ten
to fifteen seconds is crucial for success.

It is important to distinguish between mutual respect and liking
someone. It is not always necessary to like the person you are
talking to in order to develop a good line of communication. In
business it is more important to be mutually respectful with one
another rather than trying to be one another’s best friend. In
fact, trying to be like a friend could actually prove counter
productive. It can make you appear to be insincere rather than
honest and open.

So where do we begin if we want to heighten our communication
skills? Well, first of all let’s think about what makes a good
conversation. A good conversation should be a two way process
between two individuals who have made a connection with one
another.  The way to tell whether this connection has been
established or not, is when you experience a sense of trust and
respect with another person.  This process is initiative – it
should feel right – that is the way to tell.

Think of the signals you make towards someone you feel comfortable
with. Your body language is likely to be honest and open. You are
likely to make eye contact. Your tone of voice will probably be
calm and relaxed. Contrast this with the way you are with someone
you feel less comfortable around.  Once you have identified the
behaviours you exhibit when you are comfortable around someone
think about how you can include these in all your dealings with
people.

The way we interact with others is shaped by a variety of
influences. Among these are the places and people you spend your
time with, the way you look – and just as importantly – the way you
feel that you look.  Your own self esteem plays a large part in the
interactions you make with others. It is no coincidence that the
people most at ease in conversation are those people who have the
confidence and belief in themselves.

Your value systems and beliefs inform much of your decision making
so it is no surprise to hear that they are also critical in your
interactions with people. If you are naturally suspicious of other
people then do not be surprised to find that you too are seen as
untrustworthy. Why? Because you are more likely to act in a way
that discourages others from trusting you.  So, therefore, an open
mind to others is important in sending out the right signals of
trust and honesty.

Experts on relationship building all agree on one thing. It is
possible to become an expert communicator by learning how to adapt
your body language signals according to the individual you are
communicating with.  We call this following body language cues.
Simple things like breathing in unison and adopting a similar body
stance and posture are important in reassuring the other person on
the subconscious level.

Similarly with verbal communication – adopt a similar tone of voice
and rhythm to your speech. Remember, however, that this should be a
subtle incorporation rather than an impersonation.

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Anxiety can be difficult to define due to its subjective nature. There are, however, many common themes that link most people’s experiences of anxiety together. Anxiety is a vicious circle of thoughts, sensations and behaviours. The origins of an anxious mood lie in your thoughts, some of which you may not even be aware of. These thoughts lead to reactions in the body, causing physical sensations and affecting your behaviour. An anxious person tends to think more distressed thoughts, maintaining a vicious circle.

To beat anxiety we need to take a holistic approach that corrects the mind and body. When it comes to arresting the physical symptoms of anxiety, you should consider the following: Essentially, you’re trying to stop anxiety symptoms escalating by reinforcing your body’s calming mechanisms. Breathing and relaxation are two simple and effective methods, which become even more effective when done together.

When you are in an anxious mood, you are likely to be breathing too quickly. This upsets the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your blood, leading to unpleasant symptoms of anxiety and panic.
Slow down your breathing and aim to breathe 10-12 times per minute. Pause between breaths and time yourself. You’ll naturally breathe slower through your nose rather than your mouth. Try to exhale for as long as you inhale.

Anxious breathing tends to push out the chest only. Instead, breathe from your diaphragm, steadily taking air right down into the bottom of your lungs and pushing your stomach out.

Prevention is better than the cure, so avoid behaviours and situations that contribute towards anxiety. If your anxiety is tied to particular situations (such as giving presentations), the only way you can learn to deal with these is to face them. If you avoid them because you’re anxious, you’ll feel even worse about it next time.

Build up to the situation by imagining it. If you notice yourself feeling anxious, pause and do some breathing exercises and physical relaxation. Unfold the scenario and imagine yourself coping with the fear and getting through it successfully. If necessary you can do these in public without people noticing.

Also, be mindful about your diet.  Junk food and sugar place a lot of stress on us physically and can make the mind jittery and anxious.  And if you think smoking is calming, think again.  This toxic habit puts every cell of your body under tremendous stress, so quit as soon as you can.  Get plenty of gentle exercise and take up hobbies that you enjoy.

These are the first steps you should take with the physical symptoms of anxiety, but what about the mental aspects? How can we develop a relaxed state of mind? Begin by thinking of a time when you felt completely focused and relaxed in an activity. Think about the thoughts, feelings and emotions that you experienced.  Recreate the experience in your head until you can specifically pinpoint each individual emotion and thought that you had.  The more practice you get feeling these things, the easier it is going to be to activate them in the next real situation that demands it.

Well, firstly it’s important to realise how the baggage is having a negative effect on your life.  Is it really worth self-righteously totting up the number of times your partner or friend upset you, as if you were keeping a score card?  Doesn’t this just make you feel more upset and angry?  Think about how these toxic emotions are affecting you in terms of your health – emotionally, physically and psychologically.  Baggage creates stress and stress has been proven to be a major factor in ill health and shortening life spans.  Awareness of this should hopefully make you re-think whether such baggage is ever worth keeping.

In many situations it is better to develop a selective memory and start to expect the best in people and that includes yourself.  Your expectations really do affect the outcomes you observe in your day-to-day life.  If, for instance, you meet a person who was previously impolite to you, you might be inclined to be equally impolite to them in return and so build an unfriendly relationship.  Each time you see that person you expect the worst and so the cycle continues until your baggage concerning that person is pretty hefty.

What you need to do instead is change your reactions to the people and situations you meet.  You cannot control others’ behaviour but you have full control over your reactions.  Refuse to let unpleasant or rude people affect you negatively; simply realise that their bad mood or unpleasantness is all about them and should not impact on you.  Start to see the best in them.  When you meet them, expect to be only delighted and happy in their company (this might take some practice!).  This also relates to past events and present situations.  Try to look on past and present experiences in a positive light and start to see the positive aspects in them.  When we expect the best in people, they tend to match our expectations.  When we expect the best in ourselves, the result is the same and not only that, once we have ditched our emotional baggage, we are free to pursue the really important things in life – our dreams and goals.

Kristin

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One

You need to understand which obstacles are truly foreseeable or insurmountable. Keep in your mind the few that actually are such as the weather or the death of a partner or family member. Learn to recognise the difference between unanticipated changes that you absolutely have no control over and those things you can triumph over.

Two

Don’t let yourself be emotionally defeated by any inevitable changes. Instead, look at the experience in a different way and ask yourself, “Where is the benefit from this?” Keep asking yourself this important question until you find one. There is always a silver lining in what we initially perceive to be misfortunes or failure.

Three

Talk to other people who have experienced the same problem as you. When you do this, don’t complain or seek comfort and lashings of pity. Simply gain practical knowledge by asking their advice.

Four

There is a wealth of inspirational books out there, so read something that will make you feel better.

Five

Realise that the largest threat to you is not the problem or failure itself but how you react to the problem or failure.  This is very important.  Many times, our impressions of what constitutes defeat are out of proportion with the event itself.  React in a way that doesn’t create a mountain out of a molehill.

Six

Realise that if you allow yourself to give in to the problem, your body will start to experience substantial stress, zapping away the energy you need in order to move on and succeed next time round. Energy is the key to dealing with defeat so do everything you can to energize yourself whether that is walking, running or exercising.  Take time out too to rest and engage in relaxing activities such as meditation and yoga.

Seven

Make sure you take time out to have fun, whether this is seeing friends, going out for a meal or enjoying your hobby.  You are no less of a person because you “failed” at something, so don’t deny yourself fun or pleasure.

To find out more about living a successful and confident life, visit Secret Social Weapons and download the no-cost video.

This zaps so much time and energy.  By concentration on what other people have, do or don’t do you are likely to be wasting your time comparing yourself unfavourably with people you know.  Time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere.  If you are focusing a lot of others’ wealth it is likely that you are neglecting your own.  You should instead be concentrating on furthering your career or looking for a better paid job.  Stop comparing yourself with other people and be your own competition.  If you continue to live your life relative to what others have, you will never be fulfilled.  There is always likely to be someone who has a bigger house, car, boat etc.  These are just material possessions and it is not worth your time or effort striving to keep up with other people.

Two – Not forgiving yourself or other people

Holding a grudge is another waste of time and an activity that poisons you from the inside out.  Many people are guilty of harbouring grudges that have been ongoing for years.  This is a crazy state of affairs.  Holding a grudge takes a lot of energy – and all of that energy is negative.  It can leave you feeling bitter and angry and it can seriously affect your health.  Dwelling on the bad things that happened years ago, keeps you stuck in the past and unable to live life in the present.  For this reason, forgiveness is essential.  Forgiveness does not mean that you forget or condone the actions that hurt you or the actions you carried out that hurt others, but what it does do is release you from the negativity of what occurred.  It helps you create a better life.  Forgiveness is a positive action and once that bitterness is gone you are free to focus on more beneficial activities.  None of us are perfect – we all make mistakes, so learn to forgive yourself and others and then move on.

Three – Criticising

Criticising others constantly is a very unattractive trait as well as a huge waste of time.  The same goes for criticising yourself.  It simply makes you feel bad and once again, unable to use your time constructively.  It is also a waste of time to try to defend yourself against certain types of criticism.  Perhaps someone has verbally attacked you on the internet in a forum or chat room.  You will soon realise that trying to defend yourself takes a lot of time and effort and is, on the whole, pretty futile.  Criticism is pointless and negative and usually carried out by people who lack self-worth.  Criticism is also bad for the health because of the negative energy it creates.  So, tell yourself that criticism is a waste of your valuable time, take a step back and go and focus on something better instead.  Think about how you can go about making your life better rather than indulging in anything that has a negative impact on it.

For more information on confidence building and leading a successful and fulfilled life, please visit Secret Social Weapons.

Let go of the past

All of us have harboured regrets about the past at some time – we assume that if only we could fix what went wrong weeks, months or years ago it would solve everything and give us the fantastic present and future we long for.  Well, this wish is pointless and futile and has to be done away with.  Clinging onto the past is not only depressing but it is a huge waste of time and certainly not the right way to go about rejuvenating your life.  Accept that everyone makes mistakes – it is to be expected.  Decide to learn from the mistakes you made and then move on.  It is the here and now that counts.  You never know, those “mistakes” may turn out to be future blessings.

Allow fear to guide you

We often feel fearful of the unknown or of change in our lives. This fear can paralyse us and stopping us moving forward.  Don’t allow this to happen to you.  In order to rejuvenate your life you need to see fear as a sign that something exciting is happening, that you are progressing in your life and not moving. Remember, no change equals stagnation.  The unknown can be the very thing that makes life so wonderful.  Just think about how dull it would be if we knew how everything in life was going to turn out.  So, start to see fear as your travelling companion rather than something to hold you back.

Give it a try

How do you know you like strawberries?  You tried them.  And how do you know you like swimming?  You tried that as well.  If you don’t try new things you are not to know if you like or dislike them.  As children we are often keen to try new things but as adults we become more wary.  Life is too short to hesitate, so bite the bullet today and try something new that you have wanted to try for ages, but kept putting off.

Take a step at a time

Don’t feel as though you have to rush when it comes to rejuvenating your life.  It really depends on what you want to achieve.  Perhaps you long to be a novelist, yet the thought of writing a whole book seems overwhelming.  Well, the best way to approach this task is to take it one step at a time.  Firstly, figure out your plot and characters; next, write the first page and after that write the first chapter.  By taking it a step at a time, you will soon accomplish your goal.  And this applies to everything in life!  By taking the steps to fulfil your goals and ambitions, your confidence will soar and you will never again feel as though life is passing you by.

To find out more about increasing your levels of confidence, visit Secret Social Weapons   and download your no-cost video.

Anything that takes you from the scene (your work desk, household chores etc), even for just 5 minutes, will rejuvenate and refresh you, leaving you more clear-headed, energetic and productive and positive about life. So, take 5 minutes several times a day to recharge.

2. Stop The Mental Clutter

Writing about things that are bothering you can help stop ‘mental clutter’.  Putting pen to paper can put problems into perspective and also make you feel calmer about any tasks that you need to do and in more control too.  A cluttered mind is often a stressed mind so spend a few minutes every day writing about your plans, your to-do list or your feelings. 

3. Take a dip

Water has been proven for hundreds of years to have a calming and relaxing effect.  Whenever you feel stressed, run yourself a bath and wallow for a while.  If you cannot do that, then find pictures of water – beautiful blue seas or lakes in books or on the Web and imagine yourself there.  Soothing pictures soothe the mind and body.  If you can afford it, visit a spa for a few hours of pampering.

4. Take A Walk

Taking a walk is not only great exercise but it also reconnects you to nature and your neighbourhood, getting you out in the fresh hour.  All it takes is 5 minutes. 

5. Switch On Some Music

Background music can be wonderful when you are working or doing the chores, as well as a great tool for helping you relax.  Alternatively you can choose a really upbeat tune and dance around to it (you might want to check you are alone first!)

6. Daydream

A few minutes daydreaming every day takes your mind off the present moment and carries you to another place, which is an instant way to refresh your mind.  A daydream is pretty much like a mental holiday and is great when you feel under pressure.

7. Read An Inspirational Poem

Reading something that is inspiring to you is a great way to start your day and help you refocus.  It could be classic poetry or affirmations.  Read anything that makes you feel enlivened and inspired. 

8. Love Your Pets

Pets are great.  They are wonderful for our health, giving us lots of love and companionship.  If you don’t have your own pet, offer to take a friend’s dog for a walk. 

9. Breathe Properly

All too often we breathe too shallowly.  This isn’t great for our health or mood as it makes us feel tired.  Learn to breathe quite deeply, ensuring that your belly as well as your shoulders rise up.  It is not only relaxing but a great way to refresh.  Be careful to not breathe too deeply as this can make you dizzy!

10. Get Ready For Some Shut Eye

Start to prepare for bed an hour or two before your set bedtime so you are winding down and relaxing.  Take a bath or drink herbal tea, turn off the television and pick up a great novel instead.  A good night’s sleep is one of the best ways to live a happier life. 

11. Have A Laugh

We all know the saying that “laughter is the best medicine”.  Well, laughter is great for us, mind and body.  Hire a comedy DVD or watch a funny TV show.  Laughter releases stress and enhances our sense of well being.

12 Light Up

Lighting candles is a great way to create a relaxing ambience.  This kind of soft lighting is very cosy and if you use aromatherapy or scented candles you can enhance the feeling of relaxation.   

13. Stretch Yourself

Exercise is great for us but sometimes it is hard to find the time.   If you are strapped for time and feel stressed out and tense, spend 5 minutes stretching your limbs.  Lift up your arms and stretch your legs and do some neck rolls.  All of this can be done whilst still seated at your desk.

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2. Talk about how you feel. The release of telling your problems to someone else can be very enjoyable so seek out a trusted friend and express how you feel. Depending on your situation, you
may not even need advice, but rather a sounding board to listen to you while you vent all the negative feelings and thoughts that have accumulated throughout the day.

3. Consider the things that have gone right.  You need to take a moment to realise your blessings. While it is true that a bad day can make us feel awful, there are also many things to be thankful for and grateful about. Start to shift your attention to something you like about your life, like seeing your family happy or spending time on your favourite hobby.

4. Take a catnap. If you have the time, it is possible that a little nap will improve how you feel about your day. You will wake up refreshed and energised.  If you are unable to take a catnap, practice deep breathing exercises and consider going to bed a little earlier as well.  So often, fatigue can make us feel worse about our day as well as less able to handle normal amounts of stress.
 
5. Give yourself a treat.  This isn’t the same as indulging yourself every time something bad happens, it simply means that buying your favourite magazine or a bar of chocolate can give you a lift if you are having a horrible day.  Realise that you deserve the treat and enjoy it.  But be careful to not eat too much chocolate – a little sugar can help to lift our mood, but too much will make you jittery.
 
6. Do something nice for another person. Having a bad day may make you want to hide in a corner, but nothing turns around a bad day like doing something nice for someone else.  Not only does it take the focus off you and your bad day, but you are also doing something positive for others.

7. Write it all down. Writing in a journal is a great way to release your emotions in a safe and private way.  You can vent your emotions as much as you wish and it can help you deal with negative thoughts and events.  Another way to beat a bad day is to write a letter or email to someone special to you.  Catch up with your friends and arrange a fun outing or event.
So, the next time you are in the middle of a bad day, use these simple tips to turn around how you feel.  Before you know it, your bad day will have transformed into a glad day.

To find out more about banishing negativity and increasing your levels of confidence, visit Secret Social Weapons  and download your no-cost video.